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Post by woozie on Apr 23, 2007 22:36:42 GMT 8
is taht mean that FC next birthday there won't be anymore presents?? Woozie
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Post by malavern on Apr 24, 2007 14:55:29 GMT 8
FC's a guy? i never knew...
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Post by Fightingcock on Jun 18, 2007 20:55:50 GMT 8
NO SEX TONIGHT!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
;D FC
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Post by Fightingcock on Jun 19, 2007 4:13:04 GMT 8
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Post by Noa on Jun 19, 2007 5:11:36 GMT 8
Who's up for mosin fights in AA? ;D
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Post by malavern on Jun 19, 2007 19:49:23 GMT 8
rofl FC... rofl
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Post by Fightingcock on Jun 20, 2007 14:33:28 GMT 8
thing.... from the adams family.... is alive!!! ;D bad.... bad... pshopy... lol FC
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Post by Fightingcock on Jun 25, 2007 21:02:51 GMT 8
hhmmmm.... lol.. FC
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Post by woozie on Jun 26, 2007 0:34:28 GMT 8
someone must have too much time on their hand
Woozie
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Post by Ferox on Jun 26, 2007 1:02:41 GMT 8
I think it's actually a collaboration, so they send the file around a forum or community and everyone adds their part to it. Very cool.
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Post by malavern on Jun 26, 2007 1:57:12 GMT 8
man... they have sh1t from almost every category... incl. Guro...
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Post by Fightingcock on Jul 3, 2007 1:27:12 GMT 8
FC
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GruntGuy
Lance Corporal
Oh cock.
Posts: 76
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Post by GruntGuy on Jul 3, 2007 2:37:12 GMT 8
lol
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Post by PhantomNinja on Jul 3, 2007 21:08:43 GMT 8
his tag seems to say something other than jackson...i make it quintan?
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GruntGuy
Lance Corporal
Oh cock.
Posts: 76
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Post by GruntGuy on Jul 3, 2007 23:19:57 GMT 8
Lol. He didnt say Jackson neither. He said Jacobson
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Post by Ferox on Jul 3, 2007 23:38:07 GMT 8
That was my joke!
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GruntGuy
Lance Corporal
Oh cock.
Posts: 76
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Post by GruntGuy on Jul 3, 2007 23:45:38 GMT 8
shame I beat you to it by a good 19 minutes.
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Post by PhantomNinja on Jul 4, 2007 23:01:11 GMT 8
man...that hurts
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GruntGuy
Lance Corporal
Oh cock.
Posts: 76
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Post by GruntGuy on Jul 4, 2007 23:06:26 GMT 8
Feel the burrrnnnnn ;D Just messin with ya mate
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Post by malavern on Jul 8, 2007 3:49:44 GMT 8
rofl.. I make Quintam though... hmmm
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Post by Fightingcock on Sept 12, 2007 12:53:34 GMT 8
New Banned Children's Books ...
Dad's New Wife Timothy
Pop! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games
How to Become the Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
Safe Sex and the Zip-Lock Bag
Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets
Egghead - and Other Things
Mrs. Dumpty Gave Humpty The Complete Set Of "Mother Got Goosed" Nursery Rhymes
Peter Rabbit's Frisky Adventures
The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
The Tickling Babysitter Babar Meets the Taxidermist
Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Mom's Purse
The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
Let's Draw Betty and Veronica Without Their Clothes On
The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead
How to Insert Sharp Objects into Your Ear
When is Later?
The Beanie Babies and the Putrid Odor
Why Mommy and Daddy Are Bouncing on the Bed
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Get Kinky
Rin Tin Tin Guards the Herd of Sheep
How Far is Not Far?
Three Men in a Tub - The Untold Story
The Boy Who Cried "Fire!"
Things Rat Poison Looks Like
Why Uncle Bud Falls Down
Two Fingers in the Dike
Back To School! A Munitions Primer
Jack and Jill and Ted and Alice
Things That Are Really Sharp
How Dopey Got His Name
Spinach or Steroids - A Guide to Scholarships ;D FC
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Post by Ferox on Sept 15, 2007 14:19:47 GMT 8
Requesting exact translation please, does it really say "O RLY?"? How to say it would be funny to! ;D
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billy
Staff Segeant
Comes Stabuli
Posts: 320
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Post by billy on Sept 15, 2007 23:05:33 GMT 8
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Post by -Riot- on Sept 15, 2007 23:49:04 GMT 8
It says "Oh, is that so?" In other words... O RLY? XD
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Post by malavern on Sept 16, 2007 0:17:26 GMT 8
NATAL CURRY CONTEST
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. Note: Please take time to read this slowly.
For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB. Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
CHILLI #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY... Judge # 1-- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite.
Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pissed from all the beer.
CHILLI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY... Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
CHILLI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER... Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouringoff my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILLI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY... Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my arse with a snow cone ice-cream.
CHILLI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY... Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILLI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY... Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry? Judge # 3 - No Report.
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Post by Fightingcock on Sept 16, 2007 23:56:27 GMT 8
g1... ;D
Two builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant. Eric: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Phil: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Phil: - 'Scuse me.. No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession. Phil: - Oh! What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home? Phil: - Er... Mmm. Well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Phil: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden… Phil: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden! Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Phil: - As it happens I've got a five-bedroom house... built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? Phil: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Phil: - Yep! Four nights a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often? Phil: - Me? Never. Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Phil: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Phil: - I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.
Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Phil: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Eric: - What's that then? Phil: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Eric: - Nope. Phil: - Well then, you're a w*nker.
;D FC
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Post by malavern on Sept 19, 2007 15:27:08 GMT 8
rofl?!
another great one!
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Post by Fightingcock on Sept 24, 2007 10:14:13 GMT 8
any Chuck Norris fans here?? -Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. -Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. -Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. -Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. -Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist. -Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. -Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". -The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. -Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. -Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission. -If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. -Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. -Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel. -Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. -When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger. -Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. -It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen. -Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public. gota love kool names...
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Post by malavern on Sept 24, 2007 12:48:45 GMT 8
made me lol out of my seat so that i was roflmfao... causing the librarian untold grief trying to shut me up, then read the post, and started loling as well, almost to the point that she rofled!!
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Post by Fightingcock on Mar 1, 2008 10:09:27 GMT 8
“After having dug to a depth of 10 metres last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the POMS, in the weeks that followed, Australian scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres, and shortly after, headlines in the Aussie newspapers read: 'Australian archaeologists have found traces of 150 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Brits.' One week later, Maori TV reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 metres in his backyard in Te Kuiti, Hone Waiata, a King Country Kaumatua, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Hone has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Maori had already gone wireless.' ;D FC
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